by - Wednesday, January 30, 2019

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with my body.  I had poor body image. I never liked what I see in the mirror and for the longest time, I never did anything about it. I am not very sporty and am lazy as hell. Plus, I can make thousands of reasons from the most profound to the most petty ones not to eat well.

On the other hand, I also have a deep rooted desire to have a healthy lifestyle, to try new adventures (ie. hiking, marathons, swimming, etc) and to push the limits of my own body. So… you see the dilemma in there?  But I guess something has to give - either I continue to go down this path and suffer the health consequences or change.

I chose to change.

I know that jogging/running has helped kept the weight off of my body when I was younger. But yoga was more interesting so I started going to yoga classes regularly. It was great! I felt amazing!
But I wasn’t able to sustain it for one reason or another. I wasn’t really sure what and eventually, I went back to my old routine. It was only later in the year that I have decided to get back to my fitness goals.

With a bit of help and gentle persuasion from a few friends/colleagues, I decided to get a gym membership and enroll in a class. My coach put me on HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) program. If you’ve heard of this before, the rumors are true. It is intense lol. Thankfully, my coach modified the program to suit my needs.

The 1st few sessions were the worst days of my life ahaha. I seriously started questioning my decisions in life lol. I was tired, breathless and sweating the whole session.

“Ayoko na!” became a catchphrase for me together with “Kaya pa!” and “Push pa more!”.  And the more I struggle and want to quit, the more that I wanted to go back for each class over and over again. Why? Because I was frustrated. I was frustrated that I couldn’t do it, that I was weak and that I am a quitter. So I keep pushing.

Fast-forward to now and am still doing it. Did I lose weight? A few pounds but nothing significant. Am I thinner? Others say that I am. To be honest, I am not sure if all my hard work had paid off because I don’t see much difference on the physical aspects.

What I have noticed is that I am stronger than I was on Day 1. I take less time finishing the workouts now than I did the first time. Yes, I still get tired easily, get breathless and sweat so much but I feel more capable of going further and doing more reps and sets.

I still have a long way to go but I am not in a hurry. I’ve realized that fit and fab is not a destination or an achievement to be sought but a lifestyle to be lived.

Since I wrote this, it’s been months since I last stepped in a gym. I think it’s been more than 6 months. After my baby’s first birthday last October, I promised to go back but things have not been okay with me - work and personal life both. So healthy living got put on a back-burner.

I quit my corporate work last December 2018 and decided to pursue home-based work/entrepreneurship. And because it was the holidays and I am budgeting for the rainy days, I decided to skip gym enrollment. I also wanted to take a break from the hustle and bustle so I took my time sleeping and just lounging around.

#BALIKALINDOG PROGRAM (for the nth time) 2019 EDITION
It’s almost the end of January, and I am now working from home as I planned. One fine day, I looked at the mirror and shocked to see how much bigger I’ve become. I was devastated. I felt so frustrated and depressed at how I look, so depressed that I ended up eating more and more. I could come up with a bunch of reasons on why I couldn’t exercise (and believe me, they are valid lol) but I know that it would not change the fact that I have neglected myself, and that something has to be done about it.

Now, the more I see myself looking as I am now, the more determined I am to change. I started eating rice less and soon, I’d like be more active again.  I don’t know if I can keep my words but I guess, putting it out here serves as an accountability measure for me to do what I said. I mean, you couldn’t possibly trust a blogger who can’t keep her words, right? So I will make sure I would.

To change and better lifestyle, I shout cheers and a whisper to myself: YOU CAN DO IT!

PS. No photos because of two reasons: 1) This is an old draft I never managed to post right away so I don't know where my pictures na, and 2) I don't like how I look now ahaha. But will update this when I have more time.

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